To The Farm: in progress

My younger sister, Alice, left home at 18 with a busload of Deadheads, none of whom had been her friend for more than a couple of months. She left for good, and asked me to promise not to tell our parents. But she had already been touring the country with a similar crowd on a bus, which she bought in Colorado. She was making money through mail-order drug deals. She and her entourage camped at my parents house while her ex boyfriend rebuilt the engine. (Max was like that: generous and exuberant. He is now a programmer working on the human genome project.) I was in a very serious relationship with a woman I met in college. This was about '83. Alice left on her wild ride. The Wheelers, moved to Tennessee where George took a job as provost of UT. Diedre and I separated (she did that a lot.) and I set up an apartment with a couple of older guys. They promoted All Ages Punk Shows. Despite how that sounds, they were deeply committed to steering kids away from drugs and violence. (looks scary sounds scary but no alcohol, Straight Edge kids and older people in the background watching out for predatory freaks. a healthy thing.) I was pretty sheltered in the suburbs so it was an education. Then Diedre got pregnant Living out in Jenkintown PA. She said Never said it was my child and I never questioned it. till years later. Diedre Quit her job as a Baker and moved in with me and the punk rockers. Alice swung by on another bus with an evil dude named Raven.(actually Stephen) they insisted on sleeping in the common area of the house and refused to contribute any energy to Up-keep, maintenance (or rent) The Other guys in the house were seriously annoyed, Diedre decided that the environment was wrong for a child, and that we should move to a famous hippie commune in Tennessee. The Farm. I had set her up with Elizabeth Blackwell Center, a progressive birthing environment with close ties to the University of Pennsylvania Medical Center. but the city was not to her liking. Alice left. We left. The punks waved goodbye shaking their heads. (did I mention that I couldn't drive.) Everything we had was loaded up on a yellow truck we rented. All my money went into that. I sold my albums, a guitar lot's of books on religion and Philosophy. Diedre insisted that we take an old foam pad that she liked to use as a mattress. We drove to Tennessee Where my parents insisted that we marry and they gave us a Honda civic for an advance wedding present. Then we drove to The Farm.
We had already learned that the Farm ceased it's Open door policy and was no longer accepting new members. The Population had dropped from a few thousand to a few hundred when they imposed a Membership Dues. When we got there it looked like an abandoned refugee camp. Empty log cabins filled with patchwork blue jeans, rusted out school buses with woodstoves inside, erosion decay. In short it looked like poverty does all over the world. But the people were "together" they knew how to get by and they still believed in helping others. even at their own expense.
After Meeting with the Midwives on the Farm, we concluded that we could have our baby there. Then we drove to Maine to Marry in Diedre's Hometown (Lewiston) and honeymoon at her grandmothers cottage on the lake. Little Did we know that we were just a few miles away from the old Dudley Dairy farm where Masha, My Birthmother had spent the last eleven years of her life running an independent traveling theatre company.
On our honeymoon D told me that she did not love me at all, any way. I argued that she did and managed to convince myself. I'm sure she still had her doubts. One critical bit of information which I've overlooked is that her grandfather died........... that February.......We planned to name our child after him.



*Elizabeth Blackwell Health Center
The Elizabeth Blackwell Health Center sadly closed down in 2001, for a lack of funds and a changing healthcare environment. For years, they provided medical, counseling and outreach to many people with disabilities. The Center will be greatly missed.

---

Since Both Diedre And My sister have read this by now, I should reconsider what i write.
If either one of them had any understanding of the damage they caused I should like to recieve apology, but both of them felt entitled to take what they wanted from the family. Thy say pleasant things tell me i ame full of anger and go on with their lives. I'm the only one hung up on the past it seems. August 5, 2006