tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34486002024-03-07T22:03:49.909-05:00My Little ProblemGetting a Life, or finding some remnants of Life in the Wreckage.willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.comBlogger1249125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-706341199390712682022-01-20T14:54:00.003-05:002022-02-23T14:19:27.273-05:00write more?<blockquote>
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I should write more, or else this isn't really a blog. i do sometimes keep posts as drafts, but i always get to thinking that my thoughts are too depressing, to personal or too insignificant for people to bother reading. <div>And you are probably tuning out right now, but wait. i do have a story to tell and it is worth listening to.</div><div><br /></div><div>My mother died of Pancreatic Cancer on April Seventh of 2021 and today i signed papers deeding her estate to me. Yesterday i was at the bank transfering funds from inherited IRAs. I've been crying a lot, especially in the mornings. I like to go to the park and say my prayers by the water under the old oaks on the indian mound. A few weeks after she died i came home and realized that I had left my phone somewhere, probably one of the benches where id sat, at the park. first, I called and texted my number from my mothers phone which was still active, and headed back to retrace the steps from my walk. I found a heart-shaped note, fixed in place with a stone and called the number, sure enough he had a phone but sounded confused but agreed to come meet me. He still seemed baffled as he approached the bench and asked for ID. "How do i know its your phone," he asked, "There was a lady here. We said good morning." i told him that i hadn't seen anyone else when i was there. He explained that it was the woman whose picture came up on the phone. "She had a slight accent," he said, "maybe European." </div><div>It was my turn to be confused. After explaining to him how i came to have my mother's phone he returned mine reluctantly. I realized that some woman must have sat there for a moment and said hello, thinking he was looking for his phone, and when he found it he thought that it was an opportunity to do something nice for a friendly attractive woman. Maybe she did look a bit like my mother and he hoped to make her acquaintance. I felt a little sad because i thought it would have been nice for him to meet someone that way. But I also thought of Masha and how she would do something like that, guard a strangers phone and make sure it got back to its rightful owner. I felt protected, as if her spirit in some way watched over me. I still say hello to that guy when i see him walk his dog.</div><div>I still cry sometimes when i sit on the bench. We did visit that park a few times before she died, and i think she would enjoy sitting with me and listening to a little ghost story.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>https://amzn.to/34VLWDq</div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-83269562058800555802021-03-25T08:35:00.002-05:002022-03-23T06:14:47.890-05:00ThursdayToday, I've got an appointment with Masha to go to her counselor. She has been eating lightly smoothies, grapes and cliff bars. We have an appointment with Charles Reismann, a lawyer to review her Will.<div>Her need for pain meds has increased.</div><div>The biopsy was terrible and stressful the days before and the recovery. I'm still not sure that the pain she has isn't hunger.</div><div>We talk when she is awake. I massage her back and shoulders feed her and then she lays back down. It's a struggle to get her to drink enough water.</div><div>I hate to see her suffer like this.</div><div>And I'm angry that Denny kept her this way protecting her, but neglecting her care.</div><div>He acts as though he has been the only one in her life these years, and she really started staying with him to control his drinking. I would drive her over nearly every day and we would clean him up and take away the bottles.</div><div>Eventually she just stayed there.</div><div>In the past few years he would seldom even take her home to her house and when he did he would stand outside smoking, coming in only to impatiently say, "let's go."</div><div>He always wanted her to let go of the past but she never did.</div><div>She remained attached to me and too her own history, which is something Denny could not maintain.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>
<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ss&ref=as_ss_li_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=tygerbill-20&language=en_US&marketplace=amazon®ion=US&placement=1559394234&asins=1559394234&linkId=d8eccd3da9f230848548a3b1e100a0ee&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true"></iframe>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-56019222162567045612021-03-25T08:19:00.001-05:002021-03-25T08:21:43.643-05:00masha with Rob McCann and Hayden<div>A <a href="https://photos.app.goo.gl/upDw57RmyRhnufhCA">photo</a> of Masha's cousin Rob McCann with her and his wife Hayden.</div><div>This was in March of 2018</div>https://photos.app.goo.gl/upDw57RmyRhnufhCAwillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-60978882987468347362021-03-23T05:22:00.001-05:002021-03-23T05:22:29.701-05:00pushing upwardsMasha's biopsy is today. She has not had an invasive procedure like this before.<div>These past two days, she has been beside herself upset with David Troup for drawing up a will that did not respect her wishes. I'm upset too, because the will also makes David Troup and Denny her personal Representatives. The contents of her business at this address and her property in Gulfport go to Denny.</div><div><br></div><div>We got up at four.</div><div>Neither if us could sleep. I managed to gulp down a smoothie with brussels sprouts and broccoli.</div><div>Rarely have that for breakfast. Masha was in pain and very scared. She did eat solid food yesterday evening so, i think this is more than hunger pangs.</div><div>She seemed very scared, especially being separated from me at this time. She really wants her loved ones there, my sister, Tanya, Doris, and others have all sent prayers and messages of hope and positive wishes.</div><div>In the car masha asked me to contact Tina Grote and get some pictures to her. The pictures are at Denny's.</div><div>I guess i can call Tina. Maybe meet with her. If i have time.</div><div>Oh and Bob called. It turned out i had blocked him somehow.</div><div>I should message him.</div><div>Denny also has a cat scan today.</div><div>I'm praying that it's not a scene like Masha's. Denny is very fatalistic about how he is 'dying'. I've heard that from him for many years. It's how he feels when he is drinking.</div><div>Masha can be very quick to think the negatives too I'm really praying for her.</div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-53026166425637569762021-03-20T20:49:00.001-05:002021-03-20T20:49:40.881-05:00MewIt's just over a week ago that masha went to get her a cat scan. Monday we got the news that she has cancer. Dr Shankar was the oncologist who have us the report of innumerable masses throughout the liver. Her pancreas also had a mass covering the tail and there are more on her lungs and surrounding the aorta of her spleen.<div>We were both very shocked.</div><div>And she immediately said that she wanted to go home to the house. So we made a plan. </div><div>She stayed with Denny Tuesday and did some work with him to. clear junk at the house. When i came over at the was sleeping on her side some but excited about how much work she had done with Denny. Just agreeing to toss one thing and save another. She was not eating much.</div><div>The next day, she was sore from sleeping on her side with her head against the wooden arm of the couch. Denny had her asleep all day and fed her a few times. From what i could hear, she had a little less than she really needs, so i encouraged her to eat a little and made some suggestions for sleeping better.</div><div>Thursday she was immobilized and barely eating. She complained of the sharp pain in her neck on either side. Any vibration made her flinch. She was very brave and ate some. We made some arrangements for coming to the house after taking her to see her counselor.</div><div>The counselor supported her decisions and we talked to insure that we were all in the same page about what we had to do.</div><div>St patrick's brought a lot of activity to the bar nextdoor as they were roping off for a parade and an event scheduled Saturday. I thought it best to get out before they really started to party Denny did some shopping for us. Friday they went to see Dave about arrangements and she was out all day, so Saturday i thought she should rest as i had some rest while she was out.</div><div>M actually lay back with her head on one pillow with support for the head. She slept deeply in three hour shifts. I got her up in the morning Saturday and got some oats with blueberries into her, then she slept and had turkey when she awoke for lunch. We looked at some pictures of Jaime's wedding to Phyllis. It took me a while to realize that it was here. There were also some pictures of Perry in the sixties. Cute kid he was.</div><div>I noticed that she was nodding off while we talked, so i lay her back down.</div><div>She got up again at 3:30 and ate some potatoes and some of a smoothie.</div><div>I bought several milk thistle supplements and started both of us on them.</div><div>We called Gordon and then Peter. </div><div>Gordon was upbeat.</div><div>I appreciate both of them.</div><div>I'm grateful for this time with my mother.</div><div>It means a lot to be able to care for her </div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-23686026723320131402021-03-19T15:39:00.002-05:002022-02-13T17:27:46.902-05:00march 19Last Friday, a week ago, i took my Mom in to the hospital for a CAT scan.<div>Monday, we learned that she had innumerable lesions throughout her liver, a mass on the tail of her pancreas and a mass on the aorta of the spleen. Also two small 1. cm nodes on her lungs.</div><div>The Dr offered that we had a choice between treatment or hospice.</div><div>We chose to schedule a biopsy for next Tuesday</div><div>Unfortunately Masha was very ill and passed away before the results of the test.</div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-90340375715965899992020-03-21T14:13:00.001-05:002020-03-21T14:13:21.423-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-38452109913378777762019-08-15T20:56:00.001-05:002019-08-15T20:56:40.628-05:00Onwillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-60069175058089660552019-07-22T11:35:00.001-05:002019-07-22T11:35:28.049-05:00Ghost orchid photos are first to show pollination — and a surprise about who's spreading the pollen<a href="https://www.tampabay.com/environment/ghost-orchid-photos-are-first-to-show-pollination-x2014-and-a-surprise-about-whos-spreading-the-pollen-20190712/">Ghost orchid photos are first to show pollination — and a surprise about who's spreading the pollen</a>: Tampa nature photographer Carlton Ward Jr. uses trap cameras to snap photos showing something scientists didn't expectwillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-43864364727188393012018-04-29T01:03:00.001-05:002019-07-17T08:20:19.416-05:00Airbnb<p dir="ltr"> https://abnb.me/e/R0Pe0mHgvM</p>
willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-21933569702420616952018-04-09T18:54:00.001-05:002018-04-09T18:54:49.467-05:00Sitting<p dir="ltr">Just a lot of times when I just sit waiting.<br>
I'm not sure if I'm really waiting for anything.<br>
I couldn't really say if I was meditating or not it doesn't seem to have that much self-discipline.<br>
I know and I meditate I sit upright and pay attention to my posture. Sometimes I even light incense, chant...<br>
I think it's more like just waiting to see what happens.<br>
And the more I wait the more I notice the little things that are happening the birds to fly by in their evening route to roosting and the ones that come out to hunt just as the sun goes down.<br>
See people coming home to.<br>
People walking their dogs getting their exercise.<br>
There's times when I feel like an outsider to other things that are going on...<br>
But when I'm in the middle of it when I'm rushing to work or waiting in line and patiently in the store you know tapping my foot or reading magazines or whatever.<br>
Not really there either.<br>
Sitting in this mist of always having someone to sit with.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlVnPL0hYZD9cJMRHtVAC4T9Iffg6aESv67CAyIO9sTuQfiIXyMwmtcKX9NLEHdwamWSukfvY-liaoKzMdN9iFPWe6_tuBDdvJqeRTEyeEKGrrZlE8GYGt-0iPlnMhMXFjRc4Z/s1600/IMG_20180409_194410.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlVnPL0hYZD9cJMRHtVAC4T9Iffg6aESv67CAyIO9sTuQfiIXyMwmtcKX9NLEHdwamWSukfvY-liaoKzMdN9iFPWe6_tuBDdvJqeRTEyeEKGrrZlE8GYGt-0iPlnMhMXFjRc4Z/s640/IMG_20180409_194410.jpg"> </a> </div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-87282584560905036632017-02-21T11:07:00.001-05:002017-02-21T11:07:04.374-05:00Social network - Wikipedia<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_network">Social network - Wikipedia</a>: <br /><br />
this idea of social networks has become more important to me over time, although when i first heard about it and began observing my own networks and those around me, i often thought i was off on a tangent that didn't connect with reality. Today, networks seem more tangible given the growth of social media we have seen with the advent of personal computing and smart phones.<br /><br />
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The question must be, for everyone, have our networks grown and strengthened? Or are we merely mapping the superficial aspects? I know that Google and Facebook are mapping how we connect, and while it seems a little odd to look at it this way, deeper intelligence emerges from from richer networks.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
I think contemplating our own networks in a pluralistic mechanical way and exploring the real nature of our connections will in the long run, help us as people individually, and in the wider schemas of society, civilization, and the natural world.<br /><br />
To make meaning and sense out of it, we will need to explore different institutions and create new models for education and learning. The education system and our information media function a bit like a factory or a retail outlet--churning out standardized students and distributing mass produced facts, alternative facts, and other parcels of concept which fail utterly at integrating wholly with the world.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
If, our climate, of mood disorders, addictions and pathological politics, has its roots in how we form attachments as children then grasp of <a href="http://bit.ly/2m8lw69" target="_blank"> attachment theory</a> and Social Networks offers a promising way towards recovery and building a stronger healthier world.<br /><br />
<blockquote></blockquote>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-50963481706019059682016-12-15T19:22:00.001-05:002016-12-15T19:38:07.164-05:00Have You? Is Your Self Esteem Too Low Are You Afraid To Disagree You May Be Co-Dependent
Co Dependency is common in families with addiction and substance abuse. There are many degrees of codependency. The severity of the condition is variable since the intensity of symptoms vary instead of being on an all or nothing scale. Also important to note: Not everyone experiencing the symptoms below suffers from codependency. These 20 questions may be result from other family dysfunction, but still signal that you may need help to start feeling better. </BR></BR>
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?</BR>
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?</BR>
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?</BR>
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?</BR>
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?</BR>
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?</BR>
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?</BR>
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?</BR>
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?</BR>
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?</BR>
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?</BR>
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?</BR>
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?</BR>
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?</BR>
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?</BR>
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?</BR>
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?</BR>
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?</BR>
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?</BR>
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?</BR>
</BR>
If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency. </BR></BR>
Check out <a href="http://www.Al-Anon.org">Al-Anon.org</a> to learn about co dependency in families with addictions
willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-38319975961538656022016-08-16T12:56:00.000-05:002016-08-16T12:56:42.044-05:00thought for the day<blockquote>When a job still looked like a mere means of getting money rather than an opportunity for service, when the acquisition of money for financial independence looked more important than a right dependence upon God, we were still the victims of unreasonable fears.
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<br>p121 AA<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwRW7eAeIfzyG5J6te0xOyFM_HgnzGmE0pn53fq2MhpnO2bdxkswfvlh2kgqGDxzw0OmFgbpyvjcoiYGH17pZz11fikzhVTuWfRkb7-KfmDIcA7wmtPhMwxMyrpkG-q0Y16gXN/s1600/20160727_194318.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwRW7eAeIfzyG5J6te0xOyFM_HgnzGmE0pn53fq2MhpnO2bdxkswfvlh2kgqGDxzw0OmFgbpyvjcoiYGH17pZz11fikzhVTuWfRkb7-KfmDIcA7wmtPhMwxMyrpkG-q0Y16gXN/s200/20160727_194318.jpg" width="200" height="120" /></a></div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-36974303267644604672016-07-26T10:06:00.003-05:002021-12-05T15:19:25.683-05:00Bodhi cat<div dir="ltr">
Janet and I found a little cat Saturday night.<br />
he was hiding in the grass near our house. We brought him home, to give him food and water and he began having seizures.<br />We sat with him through the night and Sunday, hoping he would improve.a contact from save our strays manage to get some water into him-and we were able to give him some sugar water through a dropper.<br />
on Monday, Northwest Veterinary took a look at him and gave him and intravenous water.<br />
that made all of the difference.<br />
the seizures have stopped, and while he is still weak, he does eat and is now resting calmly on my stomach.</div>
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willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-44323310384560772182016-07-12T12:22:00.001-05:002016-07-12T12:22:33.029-05:00Red chair<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-3-WX7ubaASGl57Hvz3juykDzg7y-d8vl6-oQwo1mAuxau6K2cQpMwB454aGp7PfxACK6Pfq11nNvTwe0xRhkra9aintCq6utqjvb03C1A-03CykDhMS7lX5Q1DSVFJQ-6bmN/s1600/20160120_171616.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-3-WX7ubaASGl57Hvz3juykDzg7y-d8vl6-oQwo1mAuxau6K2cQpMwB454aGp7PfxACK6Pfq11nNvTwe0xRhkra9aintCq6utqjvb03C1A-03CykDhMS7lX5Q1DSVFJQ-6bmN/s640/20160120_171616.jpg"> </a> </div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-6923854645792359072016-04-21T17:18:00.001-05:002016-04-21T17:18:00.701-05:00Precepts<p dir=ltr>The Five Mindfulness Trainings</p>
<p dir=ltr>The following Five Mindfulness Trainings are Thich Nhat Hanh’s formulation of the traditional five Buddhist precepts. They represent the Buddhist vision for a global spirituality and ethic. They are guidelines for everyday living and are the basis for a happy life. They are a concrete expression of the Buddha’s teachings, the path of right understanding and true love, leading to healing, transformation, and happiness for ourselves and for the world. To practice the Five Mindfulness Trainings is to cultivate the insight of interbeing, or Right View, which can remove all discrimination, intolerance, anger, fear, and despair. If we live according to the Five Mindfulness Trainings, we are not lost in confusion about our life in the present or in fears about the future.</p>
<p dir=ltr>1. Reverence For Life</p>
<p dir=ltr>Aware of the suffering caused by the destruction of life, I am committed to cultivating the insight of interbeing and compassion and learning ways to protect the lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to support any act of killing in the world, in my thinking, or in my way of life. Seeing that harmful actions arise from anger, fear, greed, and intolerance, which in turn come from dualistic and discriminative thinking, I will cultivate openness, non-discrimination, and non-attachment to views in order to transform violence, fanaticism, and dogmatism in myself and in the world.</p>
<p dir=ltr>2. True Happiness</p>
<p dir=ltr>Aware of the suffering caused by exploitation, social injustice, stealing, and oppression, I am committed to practicing generosity in my thinking, speaking, and acting. I am determined not to steal and not to possess anything that should belong to others; and I will share my time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need. I will practice looking deeply to see that the happiness and suffering of others are not separate from my own happiness and suffering; that true happiness is not possible without understanding and compassion; and that running after wealth, fame, power and sensual pleasures can bring much suffering and despair. I am aware that happiness depends on my mental attitude and not on external conditions, and that I can live happily in the present moment simply by remembering that I already have more than enough conditions to be happy. I am committed to practicing Right Livelihood so that I can help reduce the suffering of living beings on Earth and reverse the process of global warming.</p>
<p dir=ltr>3. True Love</p>
<p dir=ltr>Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. Knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others, I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without true love and a deep, long-term commitment made known to my family and friends. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. Seeing that body and mind are one, I am committed to learning appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy and cultivating loving kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness – which are the four basic elements of true love – for my greater happiness and the greater happiness of others. Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into the future.</p>
<p dir=ltr>4. Loving Speech and Deep Listening</p>
<p dir=ltr>Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening in order to relieve suffering and to promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak. I will practice mindful breathing and walking in order to recognize and to look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person. I will speak and listen in a way that can help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to utter words that can cause division or discord. I will practice Right Diligence to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness, and gradually transform anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness.</p>
<p dir=ltr>5. Nourishment and Healing</p>
<p dir=ltr>Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful consumption, I am committed to cultivating good health, both physical and mental, for myself, my family, and my society by practicing mindful eating, drinking, and consuming. I will practice looking deeply into how I consume the Four Kinds of Nutriments, namely edible foods, sense impressions, volition, and consciousness. I am determined not to gamble, or to use alcohol, drugs, or any other products which contain toxins, such as certain websites, electronic games, TV programs, films, magazines, books, and conversations. I will practice coming back to the present moment to be in touch with the refreshing, healing and nourishing elements in me and around me, not letting regrets and sorrow drag me back into the past nor letting anxieties, fear, or craving pull me out of the present moment. I am determined not to try to cover up loneliness, anxiety, or other suffering by losing myself in consumption. I will contemplate interbeing and consume in a way that preserves peace, joy, and well-being in my body and consciousness, and in the collective body and consciousness of my family, my society and the Earth</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrbHlAasYCZWd8poMFWaaaQcB-oTrf0Z8qWNq_J8ZMwMxrT_pQMOs5Mr3w-TT8YwjVWQvcSsEztlSt-7bj7APrDFUGAGXmUTyEps9JumhlHzfmiFhvvu7bfgoBjyGd6teDwRoT/s1600/1461276987374.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrbHlAasYCZWd8poMFWaaaQcB-oTrf0Z8qWNq_J8ZMwMxrT_pQMOs5Mr3w-TT8YwjVWQvcSsEztlSt-7bj7APrDFUGAGXmUTyEps9JumhlHzfmiFhvvu7bfgoBjyGd6teDwRoT/s640/1461276987374.jpg"> </a> </div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0Gulfport, Gulfport27.748362 -82.70343tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-50202773539618137072016-04-09T11:04:00.001-05:002016-04-09T11:12:06.826-05:00Dover Beach<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/172844#" target="_blank">Dover Beach</a></div>
willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-64925205517858261302016-03-21T09:26:00.003-05:002016-03-21T09:26:49.870-05:00Collections<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Today I added a collection to my G+ profile.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> i titled it <a href="https://plus.google.com/collection/o33NQB" target="_blank">Wonder </a>and added a few pictures from my camera.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">today im off to tampa to practice my DBT skills at USF </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">so far ive learned a lot about myself, and i look forward to expanding my skill set and awareness. im feeling fairly positive about my future these days although i dont know what it will be like. one thing i know i can look forward to is the possibility of coping with difficult situations.</span>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-4931883362692533592016-02-27T14:50:00.001-05:002018-04-09T12:56:18.499-05:00Silence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8y_R1AVsgAdVlW8xMtGaU9iS1n51br10_idua-Haht3Evtcmd1EGEMS8T-BVRIk3MgepnMubgOTf34YxbO0XFldbt89OYOR5NU5CzILEZuALSunZumKpM9MxnS5tuDVotbcmX/s1600/20160226_180248.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8y_R1AVsgAdVlW8xMtGaU9iS1n51br10_idua-Haht3Evtcmd1EGEMS8T-BVRIk3MgepnMubgOTf34YxbO0XFldbt89OYOR5NU5CzILEZuALSunZumKpM9MxnS5tuDVotbcmX/s640/20160226_180248.jpg"> </a> </div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-86174050624270752422015-06-24T07:42:00.001-05:002015-06-24T07:42:40.559-05:00AttachmentQUOTE:If you attach yourself to one person, you ultimately end up having an unhealthy relationship.
—Shirley MacLaine
Needing people in our lives is healthy, human and natural. Needing a single person to love at a very deep level, is also soothing to the soul’s well-being. Love and attachment are not synonymous, however. They are close to being opposites. If we “attach” ourselves to others, our movements as separate individuals are hampered. Attachment means dependency; it means letting our movements be controlled by the one we are “hooked” to.
Dependency on mood-altering chemicals, on food, on people, means unmanageability in our individual lives. Many of us in this recovery program, though abstinent, still struggle with our dependency on a certain person or a certain friend.
The tools we are learning apply in all cases of dependency. It is healthy independence we are striving for-taking responsibility for our own lives-making choices appropriate for our personal selves. Loving others means letting them make their own choices unhampered by our “attachment.”
Are my relationships attachments or are they based on love? I will take an inventory of them today.willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-50005979308230196262014-09-01T08:31:00.000-05:002018-04-05T15:25:33.558-05:00Dream of a black rabbit (continued)<p dir="ltr">My dream returned<br>
like a late crescent moon<br>
riding high over placid waters.<br>
A black rabbit hidden by his own shadow:<br>
still, in the grass at the edge of the road.</p>
<p dir="ltr">My ship came home empty, <br>
a cargo of whispers<br>
tossed in the easy wind <br>
without the weight of apples<br>
and iron to hold it's course.</p>
<p dir="ltr">And this summer storm has summoned<br>
rain lilies from under the dessicated oak,<br>
filled the gutters with new bamboo leaves,<br>
washed the windows of the drunkard's cottage<br>
and driven the old cat<br>
from his post on the wall<br>
at the end of the garden,<br>
to the shelter of a window ledge,<br>
where he watches the grey squalls<br>
sweep across the bay.</p>
<p dir="ltr">He is older than I. <br>
He has forgotten his name.<br>
We call him by the sound he makes<br>
when hunger wakes and claws inside.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I have not forgotten what the rabbit told me,<br>
or what I read in "The Book of Dreams and Shadow"<br>
on the dusty shelf of the old botanica.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I still recall the hours full of counting.<br>
the lists of great importance.<br>
Categories and expenses.<br>
The taste of secrets.</p>
<p dir="ltr">How did this become the past?<br>
Why can't I put the sky into all of my poems?<br>
Or tell you what the rabbit hides from?<br>
How have my dreams become, <br>
These scraps of paper in an empty drawer?<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">(c) William C. Wheeler 2009</p>
willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3448600.post-69891990255944804672014-08-06T14:30:00.001-05:002014-08-18T20:27:38.452-05:00Inversions<p dir=ltr>It came to me then.<br>
I was not alone<br>
Each had things to do.<br>
Hot summer grasses<br>
Weather the faint breeze.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLigL8lGdB1zJQ2287TCBa9vIhbnJPDGeWydnIF0CYR5T14iAj9yL8QSsbJJ28llXfKsr5bAXE-wVYH3zUjFeNR9wL1rdItDEO91xHhZ_0zL2HCCLT2FmIIeXVmniPA_sf1wrV/s1600/1407353015415.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLigL8lGdB1zJQ2287TCBa9vIhbnJPDGeWydnIF0CYR5T14iAj9yL8QSsbJJ28llXfKsr5bAXE-wVYH3zUjFeNR9wL1rdItDEO91xHhZ_0zL2HCCLT2FmIIeXVmniPA_sf1wrV/s640/1407353015415.jpg"> </a> </div>willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07088209394858824276noreply@blogger.com0